One of the perks of living in the Metroplex is going to malls. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but my family lived the past fifteen years of our lives in a town best known for its pawnshops, so the mall is a big deal for us Clampett’s.
There are three things I do well at the mall — nay, three things I do magnificently at the mall: 1) pick out killer outfits for my wife, 2) shell out money in the food court, and 3) deftly avoid the survey takers.
It’s no small feat avoiding these persistent and ever-present survey takers. Like every girl I ever dated, they are skilled in the art of talking and vulnerability: a pretty powerful combination.
But just because I have successfully dodged their piercing stares and beckoning pleas doesn’t mean I’m not curious as to what they’re asking. These 20-somethings are holding clipboards and wearing khakis, so I assume their inquiries matter.
I’d like to think the underpaid interrogators of North East Mall are asking questions about voting preferences, immigration, or health care, but I suspect I’m wrong. Maybe they’re just asking about body sprays or Soledad O’Brien’s likeability.
I don’t know what they are asking, but I do know what I would ask. If I were gathering information in your mall on a bustling Saturday evening, these are the questions I’d bother you with:
- What is one word you would use to describe Christians?
- What would you consider to be a fair price for a latte?
- Is it helpful or creepy when pastors preach about sex?
- Do you think God is pleased with you?
- What’s the most important factor in choosing a church?
- How many non-Christians do you know?
- What is your favorite Denzel Washington movie?
- When were you the happiest?
- Does your church understand culture?
- Does my clipboard make me look important?
These are my questions. I realize they probably reveal more about me than they do about you, but I’d ask anyway because I think they’re important.
So steer clear if you see me in your local shopping mall. I’ve got some questions I’ve been meaning to ask you.